Category — By Women

Spiral Submissive writes about the nature and role of humilation:

The purpose of humiliation is not to harm or injure the sub, but rather make her stronger in a safe way. Humiliation can be a tool to let her explore herself outside social constructs. This happens because the sub has put herself in the Dom’s hands, and trusts him to take care and not harm her. Before humiliation can happen, that trust needs to be solid. The Dom needs to feel that he knows the sub well enough that he won’t take her into a harmful place, such as unwittingly unearthing a mental harm (such as abuse) that will make the sub feel hurt and her trust broken.

If the Dom wishes to humiliate his sub, he needs to discuss it with her to make sure that she fully understands what is expected, and to makes sure that there isn’t a glaring negative response that arises. If this does happen, it needs to be explored in a context other than humiliation.

Humiliation can happen anywhere, around anyone. What matters is the sub’s reaction, her embarrassment, the realization of the act, and what really happens when she is forced to do something that she feels is embarrassing. However, if the humiliation is happening around others, they either have to be fully aware of what is happening (such as being around other D/s couples) or be unaware of the sub’s embarrassment.

Out of humiliation, a sub can gain a better understanding of her true nature, of the power that she has given over, and of the relationship that she has with her Dom. The Dom can have a better understanding of his sub.

Spiral Submissive

Originally posted 2006-06-22 14:37:56.

An extract from one of boundmuse’s passionate stories:

“Punish me?” She whispered those magic words, the innocent sounding phrase barely escaping those pouting, glossy lips.

Two little words, so simple, but enough to make my pulse jump, my cock rouse and begin to stiffen. Two words that when spoken just so, were like a shock of electricity that went right down my spine, making me sit up straight in my seat. Those were the words that made me want to grab her by the front of her shirt or even by the throat. The words that filled my mind with images of her upturned ass and her cheeks wet with tears. I could almost hear her moaning, crying, and begging me to stop.

Even then, even when she was trembling and weak over my lap, some part of her, some small part of her didn’t want me to stop. Not until I was finished. Not until I told her that she had taken enough. Not until the act had redeemed her of bad deeds and she was once again my ‘good girl’.

Sitting across from me, she was tense. Her posture strained, she was trying to relax but truly she was stiff in her seat. I could see that her foot was twitching, on one foot the heels she wore were half hanging off her little foot, only secured by her stocking clad toes.

Leaning forward, I rested my arms on my knees and clasp my hands together. Subtly she attempted to lean back but found the chair’s stiff back offered her no room to do so, her hands sliding up and down the arms of her seat in a slow caress.

“Why should I?” I asked. This was the part she hated, the part she needed more than perhaps the spanking itself. This was the act of confession, the giving in and the telling of dirty deeds. There could be no penance without confession.

boundmuse

Originally posted 2006-09-21 05:47:39.

An excerpt from a really fine essay on coming to terms with a M/s relationship:

Master said He knew and He was waiting. Waiting for me to accept that this is going to be my life, that He’s not ‘playing’ and once I accepted that, He knew I’d come to Him and confess. Because until I internalize a truth, I’m just going through the motions of training. It’s like reading a book when you are thinking about something else. You can read the same sentence ten times and still not know what you read. He can run me through the paces for months on end and I’m not going to grasp the meaning of it if I’m not accepting it.

He said He knew it was coming by the way I’d been acting lately. Antsy, dodgy, resistant and not being able to look Him in the eye. I asked why He’d let me go on with it and He said He needed to see how far I would take it and how long it would take me to come to Him, that it would show what my devotion was going to be toward Him, toward becoming His. He can continuously yank me back to it when I stray, which is only going to work in the moment and only shows His level of devotion, or, He can sit back and see if I’ll make the choice to come back to it.

And I don’t want to make it sound like I haven’t been doing anything because I have. I’m not entirely bad. The majority of what I was failing on was my attitude and my approach to things. He never lost control of me and I was always obedient to what He *said*. But there is a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things and I had slipped into doing it the wrong way and for the wrong reasons. The things that I haven’t been doing are the things that I’m just supposed to do because my job, in part, is to take care of His property. I’d slipped in thinking of myself as His property.

So that is being rectified.

Punishment and consequences. There will be some, of course. I just don’t know what they are yet. He said He’d need to think on it, that this isn’t something that’s going to be “fixed” with a spanking. This is bigger than the Blue Stick (and isn’t that terrifying) and all He would say is that it won’t be pleasant.

Under His Hand

Originally posted 2006-09-25 05:47:41.

Kitten shares her insight into some of the problems of beginning a poly relationship:

A new sub or slave invariably will resent an older sub/slaves presence, it can and often does make her feel inferior so she will say things, pass on information she has no right to, do things, mention things in various places knowing it will be read just to make herself look good and ‘more’ than another, all this will do is serve to make all involved in the relationship realise just how childish that one is being. We all have things to say and we all know parts of our Dom or Masters life, it is a sign of strength and maturity knowing that a sub or slave is just that, she has no right to spread her Dom or Masters business around to others, there is something called respect and if a sub or slave does not respect her Dom or Master, then how can another sister trust her with anything that is going on in their life ?

Akittenone’s Weblog

Originally posted 2009-01-10 12:07:09.

Journey to the Darkside is a Star Wars themed BDSM blog. Padme describes being punished:

Then the lecture began. I could hear him picking up his belt and his voice got into Darth tone. That tone that I think he got from the army. It makes you go into a very submissive state. All I could say in response was “yes, Sir.” I was feeling very sorry for my actions at this point.

“I’m very disappointed in you, young lady,” he began with his firm lecture.

“Do you realize, slave that you always wind up under my belt or whatever toy I wish to use when you act up?? I want you to learn something from your lessons. You know better!” he said in a very disappointed tone.

I was in the dog house and I knew it. My ass was going to hurt. He get intense when he is about to punish me hard. He was angry with me.

“You NEVER throw pillows at your Master, bitch. I am going to teach you that it’s completely unacceptable to act like that. Bad girls get bad spankings. Your ass is going to hurt.” he said sternly.

“You bring Darth out, and you must accept the consequences for it. You forced me to stay home to punish you so it’s going to be damn good. I am not counting. Your going to get your hands in the cuffs and they will remain out in front of you. You’ll take it all. You will not move. You will not talk or plead with me or I will gag you.” he told me in a matter of fact tone that left no doubt.

He lifted my school girl skirt exposing the thong to him. He continued to lecture. His belt jingling in his hands. I could hear him pacing around me.

“Darth is here, bitch,” he said as the first strike of his belt hit my ass. There was no warm up this time. No fun with the spanking. I could only bite into the blanket. I had my hands in the cuffs so they wouldn’t try to protect my bottom. He began with his belt. He would give me 5 hard strokes and then stop and lecture more.

“You try my patience. Why do you not learn from my lessons?”

His voice was sharp. I knew I had gone too far with him. I had pushed his buttons. There were no excuses and he was going to teach me a lesson I wouldn’t forget for a while. My ass was going to hurt and be very red and sore by the time he was through with it.

Journey to the Darkside

Originally posted 2006-06-04 17:15:11.

Tapestry explores a line of thought that must occur to many intelligent submissive people:

But back to the interesting thought – at least interesting to me. When I truly do know what is best for Master, am I right to follow my own knowledge and do what is best even when He has other ideas? At what point is it OK to put His safety and well-being above His will? Mom had other ideas which did not include medical attention, but that could very well have resulted in losing her leg, and possibly her life. Must I obey Master, even unto His own detriment? Or did He in fact choose me to care for and protect Him, even when it does not coincide with His will?

Princess of Pout

Originally posted 2009-01-14 18:15:24.

She writes of the selfishness of D/s:

My submission is selfish. I submit to please him, yes, and I submit also because it brings harmony to our relationship. But primarily, I submit because it pleases me. To be on my knees with his hand at my throat and his lips to my ear whispering filthy names brings me to a condition of rapture. To hear him tell me I’ve pleased him makes me feel good about myself. To be in public with him and to have him suddenly send me a Look that says, “You are mine, girl; act like you know it” gives me comfort.

Does this make my submission any less real? I don’t believe so. Some will say I am simply topping from the bottom. Please, don’t misunderstand me: I submit for my pleasure, but this in no way means that I am in charge. Oz makes the decisions in our relationship. Most of the time he asks for my opinion, but even if I think otherwise, he will get his way. I defer to his judgment because between the two of us, he is the better decision-maker. He is logical to a fault, capable of containing his emotions, and he has the experience to temper his idealism. When I am being punished, or when I stay away from a man Oz is suspicious of even when I see no reason for the doubt, I might not like it. But I know from experience that he is mostly right – which, while annoying, is far better than my track record. So while I might not enjoy his dominance in a particular moment, I submit because it serves my interests in the long run.

His dominance is selfish. Aside from the obvious sexual benefits, he gets a high out of it. It makes him feel good when I give him control and everything turns out right. It is what he does for a living and it is what he likes to do for fun. He enjoys watching me as I grow more and more confident about my abilities. It makes him proud to have been the catalyst to my transformation into someone else. That I enjoy it, too – that it is someone I want to be, is incidental. He gets pleasure from my enjoyment and I from his, and we feed off each other like that in a way that makes us happy.

Love is not selfish. Or is it? Where is the love in the union of two absolutely selfish people? How can I, as a submissive, submit myself to the whims of a man even I recognize is selfish? If I were called a worthless cunt, I would call that abuse. Yet there are people who do it, people who delight in it. You might think a man who wants to scar his submissive a monster, but I enjoy being cut and marked deep enough to leave permanent scars. Where is it abuse, and where is it simply two consenting adults doing what they want to do? When is kink unhealthy?

What makes a relationship like ours differ from abuse is that our interests match. The things that make us happy, the things we want for ourselves, fit perfectly together. Thus his acts of selfishness make me just as happy as they make him, and mine make him just as happy as they make me. For me, this is the best test of a healthy relationship: it serves your individual interests.

I believe not only that most relationships are selfish, but that they should be. Selfishness is a preservation instinct and with good reason. For a submissive to truly live solely for the pleasure of her Master is not only highly unlikely (if not impossible) and overly idealistic – it is unhealthy. It is forsaking her very identity. Anyone acting entirely and only according to another person’s wishes might as well be a robot. People should venture into relationships (of any kind, not just D/s ones, or romantic ones) because it is good for them. Otherwise, the relationship should be severed.

If the Collar Fits

Originally posted 2006-08-01 17:09:34.