Category — Mélange

How does your BDSM role, your relationship, the scenes fit into your life overall?

My list of possible options is necessarily arbitrary. To hit upon ever possible option would be an exercise in excess. Let us say:

• 24/7 Lifestyle
• Basis of your relationships
• Important but not pervasive
• Simply one form of play
• Fun but very minor
• None of the above
• I can’t decide

Obviously there’s no possible statistical validity to this. It is a friendly game, exercise in curiosity. Maybe you’ll even have to reflect a bit and consider your answer. Nor do I suggest you should feel really limited by my list. It is meant mostly as an aide.

Please answer here: Lifestyle, Part of Life or … ?

Originally posted 2006-09-15 15:41:56.

Polyamorously Perverse is not a BDSM blog. But it is a very fine sex blog focusing on polyamory. And poly and kink often seem to come hand in hand.

The sample extract is from an essay on arranging a male-female-male get together:

Is there a particular physical type or age or race? Unless she’s specifically told you “I want a guy with a foot-long dick,” cock size is overrated and isn’t something you should even worry about. A guy with average endowments who can perform in a group is preferable to some “stud” who doesn’t know how to please a lady. And if he turns out to be TOO big, well, do I have to connect the dots?

Because you’re looking for a guy to please HER, not himself.

Polyamorously Perverse

Originally posted 2007-08-14 23:57:30.

From an interesting discussion of a topic that will never die:

Nope, not necessarily.

I don’t do BDSM with my husband. It’s not his kink.

And I’m not sexual with my playpartners, for various reasons, although I
suppose that could happen at some point with someone (probably about the
time those monkeys fly out of Lynn’s butt, xthreadx).

For me, BDSM is sexual in prospect and retrospect; that is, it’s really hot
in fantasy, and it’s what I masturbate to. But I don’t get aroused during
play, and I don’t have sexual thoughts when I play. I go off into a nice,
mostly non-verbal, floating, gigglespace.

This is one of these topics that comes around fairly often. In general, I
think, the most commonly found response is, “For you and many others, it’s
about sex. For some folks, it isn’t. For some folks, it is sometimes but not
others.”

I hereby propose “JanetM’s Extension of Spectrum’s Formulation of Ugol’s
Law”

Is BDSM sexual?

Originally posted 2006-11-24 20:47:08.

She looks as if she’s penitent after punishment. What is that in her hands?

Originally posted 2008-12-30 06:44:52.

I’m glad to see Peter Tuper has his own domain:

I was lamenting how hard it was to study the works of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, at least for me, as Venus in Furs is almost his only work readily available in English. I argued that this was because Sacher-Masoch was the victim of a very effective literary character assassination at the unwitting hand of Richard von Krafft-Ebing, who coined the term “masochism”. As a result, Sacher-Masoch, the next big thing in Middle European literature, publisher, journalist, historian, progressive, is known to later generations only as a lunatic and a pervert. His jilted wife came along and added “abusive schmuck” to the list. A literary figure was lost, almost entirely without biographies, and it’s only some quirk of fate that Venus in Furs was not consigned to the same untranslated, out of print limbo as his other works.

The History of BDSM

Originally posted 2008-02-04 15:16:37.

I get people asking me to list sites that aren’t blogs.

I understand the desire for publicity but this is a specialized website that will always remain close to its theme.

I do publish a sexuality directory that lists all manner of noncommercial kink and fetish sites from blogs to erotic stories to services. Please feel free to submit your site for a free listing:

The Polyfetishist Directory

Originally posted 2008-01-27 17:56:13.

In an old discussion of BDSM and hypnosis Peter Masters said:

In a BDSM context things become a little more interesting because
surrendering and being controlled can be part of what they expect and
seek from their partner. Hypnosis can simply be an extension of that,
and the effects (and consequent feelings of being controlled) can be
welcomed at many levels (not just consiously, I mean) and it can all
even become self-reinforcing.

Imagine, for example, a submissive who gets off on feeling helpless
against the influence of their dominant. Imagine that said dominant
gives the submissive a post-hypnotic suggestion to feel sexually aroused
*at any time* when given a trigger phrase by their dominant. Wouldn’t
that be a turn on, just *knowing* that that trigger exists?

By the way, it’s always a good idea to ensure when doing such things
that you don’t make it so the person *remains* aroused all day, for
example. It may lead to negative results (such as getting reprimanded
because they’re not able to concentrate on their work).

Using hypnotism to faciliate BDSM

Originally posted 2006-12-05 13:41:34.