Angel’s Thoughts and Adventures

Angel writes about the value and importance of finding the right mentor / Master when beginning exploring the atypical world of BDSM:

My journey into darkness has been a reflection of who i have been all along throughout most of my young adult life. I didn’t realize how much i had already instilled in me inately. I just needed a strong Teacher, and loving partner to guide me through my journey. As a young adult, I often found myself browsing the activities that society labeled “abnormal.” Grossly intrigued, but scared to venture into the darkness, i have lovingly and devotedly embraced my role as it is today. I didn’t know how much my heart was a “slave’s” heart. I was always the type that loved to please others and make sure they were happy, often leaving my desires to the wayside. I allowed to many to take advantage of my serving tendendacies, and loving heart. My experiences with my previous partners often left me wanting more, needing more, and dissatisfied. I often caved in to what they wanted just to keep a “happy” front at home and when we were with friends. Being taken advantage became my norm til about 7 months ago, when i finally decided to make a stand for myself and get out of a emotionally destructive relationship and gain my emotional independence. Allowing myself to free my mind and letting go of my emotional struggles i faced in this relationship, was the first step towards my journey into darkness. I had moved out on my own. Without my knowledge, someone had been listening to me, learning what my heart was seeking and longing for. He became a close friend. I didn’t realize He began weaving His web and pushing me along my journey since O/our first morning out to breakfast together. I listened intently to what He had to say about the Darkness that He so loved. I became more and more intrigued and more willing to explore the Darkness. I wanted to know what total freedom and total trust in one person would feel like. Yes at first, I was very scared. Scared to open my heart again, scared to free my mind, scared to let down my walls i had built from being in my previous relationships. Carefully and lovingly, He began to open the doors to the all encasing world of Darkness. Little by little, He showed me things i could do by just freeing my mind and allowing my heart to guide me. I was nervous and excited to learn more about this world that He lived in. When i first accepted my collar from Sir, i did not know where my journey was heading to. Patiently, He taught me how to free my mind and the protocols and pleasures He so desired. I found myself wanting to do my best for Him and be perfect. Often, beating myself down because i didn’t do something or not do it right, He picked me up and showed me i was doing just fine and serving Him well. So in my journey to Darkness, has been heartfelt and joyful. I have learned that i have always had a slave’s heart. I graciously, lovingly accept all that has been set before me with an (finally) open heart and mind. I long for His touch, His firm hand across my bottom, to show me that He totally possesses me. I am at rest and peace with how my journey has played itself out. I long for a deep and long committed relationship to my Master. I long to please Him, love Him, and show Him that He is my Master in every way. My journey is not ending, it is only beginning to unravel itself. I am looking forward to traveling into the Darkness with my Master.

angel’s thoughts and adventures

Originally posted 2009-06-21 04:58:09.