If the Collar Fits

Yen attempts to capture the emotional complexity of masochism:

There’s a girl, you tell him, that you’ve fought. You remember the speed of her, the ponytailed stares of her, and the look of her when you beat her. You tell him you’re wondering about the bruises you’ve given her, that you’re thinking maybe you should have gotten her number, if only to see the marks you’ve left on her skin. You tell him without thinking that you want to know where they are, how harsh they are, and press lightly on all those spots just to see her wince.

He’s quiet and he says, that’s disturbing.

So try to explain the appeal of it. Try to tell him it’s not the pain, it’s the control. How it’s not the thought of her pain which pleases you, but the knowledge of her willingness to bear it for you, and what that implies. How to suffer for someone else requires a struggle against instinct, a conflict willingly imposed.

Or try to speak of masochism, and why you are the way you are. That it isn’t the physical sensation of pain so much as the alternating discomfort and overwhelming calm of being controlled, of being owned. How to submit yourself to another’s whims is what makes you most free.

If the Collar Fits

Originally posted 2006-05-25 07:15:35.