Under His Hand

Not being able to live with her Master can give a female submissive great stress:

I dusted His fishing lures. Why??

Maybe I’m afraid He’ll get sick of me. Tired of the responsibility, the extra work that is me. Maybe I’m trying to make up for all He has to do by wowing Him when He walks in the door. “See Master? I’m worth keeping around! Who else will organize your winter boots and line them up according to the coat they match?”

Like that’s an accurate measurement of a slave. I can wipe fingerprints off walls and keep the stove shiny.

Maybe I just don’t know *what* I’m supposed to be doing to impress Him anymore. The things that I do specifically for Him, His laundry, cleaning His apartment, cooking for Him when He’s home.. none of those things require that I stay home all day every day. None of them.

But pulling carpet and painting and wall-papering and organizing and reorganizing the various shelves and bins that line the basement walls do. Do you know how many times I have done that? Numerous. More than I can count. And we’ve only been back here for…. 5 months. In 5 months I’ve sorted, binned, stacked, restacked, and moved “stuff” probably 10 times.

I’ve ripped the carpet out of two rooms. We’ve knocked down a wall (at my request). I spent days and days scraping wall paper off the kitchen walls so I could paint it properly. I’ve rearranged the furniture in every room multiple times. I have other projects lined up. My son’s room, the bathroom, hallway. I have to keep adding to the list. I have to keep the projects stacked or…. or what?

He realizes He doesn’t need me here anymore.

I think it’s the consistent separations that do this. That whittle the value of my slavery down to such mundane things. I’m not able to regularly show Him my worth as a slave. The every-day advantages aren’t optional. No daily blow jobs, no home-cooked meals every night, I can’t bathe Him in the morning before work or make His coffee. I can’t do His routine for Him every day like He’d prefer. I got nothing to show off for the time apart except for some raunchy badly aimed photos of a woman who’s rapidly getting fatter and more wrinkled and feeling old, and a damn clean house.

Under His Hand

Originally posted 2006-08-30 13:34:35.