Tea and Oranges

D/s blogs by couples are rare. This one, written by Tea and Naranja is very, very beautiful.

Right now, because we are in a place where we are still “in talks,” he is asking nothing difficult of me, nothing edgy or unusual. He is being especially kind and gentle with me. His self-restraint is palpable between us. But still I want to squirm out of his reach, avoid his eyes, shut out his voice. I am fighting it, fighting him, fighting myself. Whatever it is he asks, I don’t want to do it. Except I do, very much.

I know he is pursuing me, tracking me… waiting. And I don’t like it. I’m not used to being the prey. I don’t know this part of him – this hunter. It used to be easy to hide from him, to shapeshift, to sidestep him – easy because he was content not to hunt… and because I had become too accustomed to being left un-hunted.

But he has changed. He has developed a hunter’s canny hunger, a tracker’s sense of motion in the dark. He is listening in a deeper way, slipping his knowing into my head… he is learning me. Everyday, he notices something new. Everyday, he finds the little somethings I’ve squirreled away.

I am running out of territory. He knows too much. I feel… vulnerable, yes. But more, I feel without defense, without hope of a last minute “out.” I feel, simply, at his mercy. And when I admit this to myself, I feel, acutely, the panic of imminent invasion, but also the promise of completion.

Tea and Oranges

Originally posted 2006-06-20 11:01:16.